I am truly hopless...and it's been proven

Sooooo, I meet up with some girls and we head out to happy hour Thursday night.  I actually go and fix myself up so I look decent.  A nice red sweater, tight(er) jeans, make-up...and there is a group of guys there.  One guy comes up and starts talking to us...but really focusing on the one girl in our group.  He's hitting on her and talking and talking and talking. 

She's a lesbian.

Now if I can't get a guy to talk to me, but he hits on the lesbian in the group, what does that say about me?  I'm hopeless and it's just been proven.

Oh Crap! Bottle of Wine + Conversation makes for....Oh NO!

So I got asked if I would be a bridesmaid tonight...by my dad's girlfriend.

Here goes the conversation:

Me:  "Are you sure cuz you know you have three daughter-in-laws?  And I really don't want you asking me because you feel like you have to be nice or obligated or anything."  (Yes, I am a bitch)

Her:  "No, I really would like you and my friend Donna to stand up."

Me:  (Inside my head....OH SHIT!)  "Really?  Do I have to wear a really ugly dress?"

Dad in the background, "No, she should wear fishnets..." (Trying to be funny)

Me:  "Oh great, tell my dad I got the hooker boots to go with it."

Her:  "She has the outfit...no, really, you can wear anything you want."

Me:  "Like Black?  Cuz that's really slimming."  (NOT because I'm mourning, but I found and bought a killer black dress and have no place to wear it)

Crap. Crap. Crap.  First of all, I don't want to stand up infront of a church.  I've never been a bridesmaid and could really die without ever being one.  And second, I was planning on photographing the wedding and making a photobook for them as a gift.  Now what the hell am I going to do?  Carry my camera instead of flowers?  Okay, so and I'm dying to mess around with my new camera.  But really, overall, I HATE being infront of a crowd.  And yes, I'm totally selfish...but how well does this woman really know me?  I mean, am I wrong to be suspicious?

Maybe I should make a condition...like I'll stand up if you invite at least 5 single guys in my age range???  (okay, and they have to be decent...not like they can have 3 eyes or anything!)

10 Random Thoughts

1.  After nearly mowing down an old man that jumped out infront of my car today in the Starbucks parking lot, I wondered, is there a person in America over the age of 20 that will die without ever having eaten a thing from McDonald's?  Don't ask me how Starbucks corralates to McDonalds.

2.  My doctor put me on blood thinners after this last surgery.  Should I be wondering why I was put on blood thinners after this surgery and not the last?  What's the big secret he's not telling me?

3.  At least one Christmas carol should be sung year round at church every Sat/Sun.  It makes me happier...who cares if it annoys the rest of the general population?  It annoys me that they started exclusively playing them 24/7 on the radio station here THREE WEEKS before THANKSGIVING!  I miss the Plain White T's and 80's Flashback Fridays!

4.  Do you ever see someone in the general population (like at a store, or church, or an event) and you feel tremendously sorry for them?  Like you feel like they look totally sad and are carrying the weight of the world and you wish you could pat them on the back or hug them and tell them it'll be all right...even if you don't have a clue if it will?

5.  Why do they call it the 12 Days of Christmas when it really lasts like 2 months?  Someone forgot how to count or ran out of fingers!  (But then looking back at #3, I suppose it would have to be called at least the 52 days of Christmas...hmmmmm.)

6.  I love my new chapstick that comes in a tube shaped like an Easter egg.  Correction...I loved it until I knocked it off the end table and it rolled under the couch.  Damn it for making me try to get on all fours and reach for it.

7.  Why do I keep dreaming (going on two weeks now) that I'm pregnant with twins and am walking around carrying them stone drunk with a constant glass of wine in my hand?  What is wrong with THAT picture? 

8.  I used to tease my dad that if I wasn't adopted he surely had an affair with the mail lady because I am not my mother's child.  But after two weeks of dating a woman and deciding to get married to her, I'm positive that I am not the mail lady's either.  I am now 100% sure that I am 110% whole-heartedly adopted.

9.  I met this cute guy when I went out for my birthday.  Thought he'd be fun to go out with (definitely not marriage material or even serious dating material, but fun) until we hooked up on Facebook and all he talked about are the "supermodels he bangs" and the size of his penis.  There are two things wrong with that:  #1.  A guy that talks about the size of his penis obviously cannot be that large, and #2. Why risk an STD?  Back to the drawing board it is....

10.  Ten is a difficult number.  I now understand why the American population groups things in 3's.

Peace out and here's to a night without twins (cuz God knows that now that mine is grown I cannot stand screaming brats...especially at WalMart!).....

Mother of the Year

And the Mother of the Year Award goes to......(drum roll please)

MY MOTHER!!!!

A few months ago when I learned that I'd be having surgery on my other hip and the date I told my mother.  Her response was, "Oh, I'm probably going to travel that week."  Whatever.

This weekend she phones me and tells me how she's taking off of work Monday-Wednesday next week (my surgery is Monday) to bake cookies for my Aunt (her sister) and her two kids (who are grown adults only a few years younger than me.)

I wonder if I'm too old to be adopted by my soon to be "new" mom????

Perspective

Well, I met dad's "fiance" this weekend.  It was, well, interesting to say the least.  I'm really not sure what to think.  My first impression is that she is nice but trying to push too hard.  Right away she asked the kid if she would like to be the flower girl.  (Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that they considered her, but she couldn't wait a couple of weeks?)  Then when we were leaving she gave the kid big hugs and kisses.  It kind of turned me off because I am protective like that.  I thought, "Back off bitch, you don't even know us well enough to do that yet."  Yes, I have my guard up.  In all honesty though, I want to like her.  There is just something that is not sitting right with me but I can't pinpoint it.  Maybe it's just that she's moving in too fast with me and my kid.  I don't like that.  We'll see how it goes.  The last time I saw her this weekend I asked her for her phone number.  I have to keep tabs some way, right?  She gave it to me...but I STILL can't find anything on the computer about her!  How is that possible?  Oh well.

Went out Sat. night with some friends.  Had soooo much fun and got to see an old friend too.  Yay!  We started off at a dueling piano bar that pretty much sucked.  I think after being down here and to the one we went to months ago, we were very spoiled.  We decided to leave that one and do a pub crawl back to the hotel.  Managed two bars and then stayed in the third one until the end of the night.  They had a pretty good band and DJ when the band was breaking.  There was a good mix of people there.  Dancing.  Drinking.  Talking.  It was all good.  And bonus, I got bought two drinks by two men.  I know, it's a real heart stopper.  But nothing came of that...most likely because they figured out I wasn't going to go home with them.  Then we met Hot Dog Aaron out on the street.  I'm telling you, drop dead gorgeous!  I was in love...with the hot dog vendor.  And I hate hot dogs.  LOL.  But he was sooo cute...but um, only 24.  So would that make me a cougar? 

Finally got back to the hotel and one of the girls went to bed and the other and I stayed up talking.  So in one sense, it was good reassurance that other people's families are just as, if not more, disfunctional than mine.  But in another sense, I worry about my two friends.  They are both married to husbands that are total jerks and it really bothers me.  I hate to see them hurting, but I can't change their situation.  Only they can, right?  Dad just says I should be there for them to vent, but it still hurts.  I love my friends dearly.  I don't know how we all ended up together (they are like the sisters I never had (considering the caliber of real ones I do have)), but it works. 

Going out back home makes me miss home so much.  I literally felt like I wanted to vomit driving home today...and no, I was not hungover.  I miss everything about home.  I was thinking today how stupid I was at 18 doing everything I possibly could to "get out of here" and only now almost 15 years later feeling sick with a need to move back and not being able to. 
One more week of work this week and then surgery.  I'm starting to get nervous all over again despite knowing what I'm in for.  Is that even normal?  (Although I was never claiming to be anything of the sort).

I Missed the Tornado

First....my picture post!  Drum roll pllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS SIZE SINCE PRE-PREGNANCY...so count 'em...it's been EIGHT long years! 

Just got home from shopping and bought three pair of pants, and YES, ALL IN A SIZE 12!  I think the grin on my face might actually be a size 18 though. 

Anyway, what's been going on?  Ugh, this might be a novel. 

Surgery is two weeks away.  What it will feel like to have two new hips!  What a concept.  I have to say, I'm thrilled to have the second one done, with the first one done I have noticed such a difference.  Even the herniated discs in my back don't give me trouble anymore (or rarely).  Which is huge because my back would hurt so bad before.  So while I'm happy to finally be getting fixed, I'm getting quite sick of the "bionic" woman jokes.  Like I asked for this body???  If it had been up to me, I'd have gladly taken Angelina Jolie's.  Well, maybe with a little bit bigger boobs.

My dad is getting married again.  WTF is that?  He knows this lady from church and asked her out on a date like 2 weeks ago and now they are getting married?  Seriously, who's dying?  When did the tornado blow through town?  I think it's wayyyyy too fast and you think he would have learned from the ride the last one took him on.  But who is he to listen to me? I guess all I can say is that I hope this time he knows what he's doing and it's forever.  I'm going to meet this bimbo this coming Wednesday.  I know, I need to be nice, but....come on!

Well, ok.  I guess I'm done.  I hear the beaters calling me from the kitchen to go make Tiramisu Cupcakes.  YUMMMMMM.....(size 12, size 12, size 12...Give them away.  Don't eat them!)

Changes

I've decided to stop taking the chemotherapy drug the doctor put me on.  I don't care what she says, I'm done.  I've had it this week.  I got really sick (and yes, I'm blaming the drug because it lowers your resistance to infection, etc.).  It started off with a double ear infection and strep throat and then progressed to bronchitis.  Despite being on two steroids and an antibiotic for a week, I am still sick.  I'm done.  This drug increases your chance of getting pneumonia by 60%.  My chest is still in pain, I've considered today going in to beg for a chest x-ray because I'm afraid there is something more than just bronchitis wrong with me.  But I haven't gone because I don't want to be "nuts."  The only thing I can say is that my chest has NEVER hurt like this before. 

In addition to the whole pneumonia factor, I have been exhausted and cranky since starting the medication.  I can't function any more like this.  I could literally go to bed by 7pm every night and still be exhausted the next day within an hour of waking up.  I know too, that I have been snappy at the kid, and that just doesn't work.  It's not fair to her.

Anyway, I have to get/be healthy now until Dec. or the doc isn't going to clear me for surgery on the 6th.  I HAVE to have the hip surgery this year because the insurance is paying for it 100%.  If I end up waiting until next year I have to front $3000.00.  Here's to keeping my fingers crossed!

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This weekend I got a new computer.  I finally sucked it up and bought one for my personal use.  I was using my work computer for all of the internet surfing, but was stuck when it came to downloading photos.  My old laptop is a piece of crap and I was just waiting for it to crash.  I decided to go and buy a laptop this weekend after looking and looking.  I don't know why, but I feel like I've got a year left in my position before they start "re-orging" and I'm looking...so I also thought now, while I have the money, was a good time to get one incase I need to start looking in a year. 

I love my new computer so far.  Right now I'm busy backing up all of my photos.  I'm paranoid, since everything is digital, that one day all of my pictures of the kid growing up will be gone.  I've got them on my piece of crap computer, on an external hard drive and now I'm working on uploading them to a photo website.  The only problem is is that I have 3000+ photos to upload.  Sounds like it may be an all day project tomorrow to finish.  Ugh! 

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So big news...I bought a dress AND a skirt - wait, make that two skirts this weekend.  I haven't owned one or the other since, well, probably since pre-pregnancy.  I think I like them.  I think I'm going to wear one skirt to work this week.  I'm expecting to be appropriately embarrassed by my co-workers because they know I'm totally boring and conservative in the "hip" dress department.  We'll see how it goes...I'll probably want to hide under my desk.

Maybe when the kid comes home I'll post a couple of pics and see what you think?

OOOO!!!  I forgot to also mention the kick-ass pair of boots I got too!!!  I LOVE THEM!!!!  They are awesome and I got a great deal on them too.  They are LEATHER and I had a 30% off coupon to boot! (No pun intended.)

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Oh yes, and I got my hair cut today.  Just about 2 inches shorter with a slight layer to it so it swings and flips.  Had to get rid of the straight boring, hang there hair.

Girls Night Out

First I had an awesome time hanging with two awesome people.  Second, I'm seriously wondering if I'm too old to be hanging out til 3 in the morning at a club.  I am SOOOO tired today.

We went into the city this weekend and rented a hotel room.  Went to a swanky nice dinner and then out to a club.  We actually had to wait in line to get into the club.  It was just like in the movies!  (Yes, I am easily amused).  One of the girls I was with talks to everyone.  I mean anyone and everyone.  She started talking to the people in line behind us.  (Something I would never do) and it was so wierd.  Turns out the girl works with a department I used to work with for the same company and the guy spent 6 months in college studying in Santiago where I did.  What are the odds?  Of all the people in the world to stand behind us in line?  So wierd.  I don't know, I thought it was strange. 

We got into the club and it was rockin'.  Crowded, loud and super fun.  Of course I couldn't dance with my hip in the condition it still is, so I was the drink holder.  But I still had a great time watching everyone and enjoying the music.  I could people watch all night. 

So we stayed at the club until about 3am and cabbed it back to the hotel where we sat up and talked some more.  Then I woke up at 6am and couldn't sleep the rest of the morning.

It was so nice to have a girls night out.  I haven't had one since probably college.  It's been hard to meet people to hang out with here, but I've lucked out and found another transplant.  And non-high maintenance to boot.  Right up my alley.

I managed to come out of my shell and actually wear the tight pants and hooker boots I bought.  That was stretching it for me, but it worked.  I wore the sweater instead of the jacket and I'm glad I did because I had a night of personal summers and that jacket would have probably made me pass out from heat stroke. 

Anyway, when we got off the train today I literally walked in the house and fell asleep on the couch.  I'm getting old, right?

Second Opinion - Which One?

I bought two jacket/sweater things tonight.  One is a jacket, it looks more punky.  The other is a sweater that looks a little more classy (you can't tell in the pic though).  Which one should I choose to wear?  I know the pics aren't great, but the kid wasn't here to take them tonight.

SOLICITING BRUTALLY HONEST OPINIONS

So I'm going into the city with some girls this weekend.  We're going out.  I haven't been in a bar in 8 years.  I have nothing but mom clothes.  I have no style.  And I'm fat.  So what the heck do I wear?  I went shopping tonight and this is the only thing I found.  I think it's ridiculous?  Right?  I don't know what to get or where to go shopping for something "sexy" (as my co-workers are telling me). 

SOLICITING BRUTALLY HONEST OPINIONS