Quitting

I have officially quit my list and will blog when I feel like it. This is stupid. Done. Deleted. I'm a committment-phobe...obviously.

Grateful

Today I am grateful for Redbox, water and my daughter.

Holy Hot Weather Batman!

I know I was complaining, probably as recent as last week, about the weather, but OMG, did it get HOT and it got HOT fast! It's 88 degrees out now, quite a change from the 62 we had on Saturday.

I think I'm going to surprise the kid and set up the slip n slide before she gets home from school. It will be her first time ever, considering we've never had a yard. I CANNOT wait to see her face when I say, "Let's do your homework tomorrow and play on the slip n slide today!" It's going to be awesome!!!!
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Today I am grateful that I have central air conditioning, for the fantastic hunk of feta I grilled with olive oil and garlic for lunch (I should have been born Greek - I am addicted to feta!), and that I have two more weeks of working at home, thanks to my cool, understanding boss!

The House That Built Me

DISCLAIMER: I'm a huge country music fan, but I do NOT like Miranda Lambert.  Okay, so I'm going to make no sense, but I really like her new song, "The House that Built Me." I love it, I can totally relate.



I feel this way every time I go back "home" even though it's not the same house my dad is in now, I still drive by our old house and wonder what it looks like inside.

If I were to go in now and look out my window I would "see" my dad drinking a beer in the tree line with the neighbor after mowing the lawn and wondering how it was my neighbor could walk when he looked pregnant (massive beer gut!)in my 10 year old mind, dad tilling the garden or riding the tractor mower, my neighbors riding their bikes in the col de sac, the other neighbors diving in their in-ground pool - which everyone considered the "richest of the rich" at the time...I'd remember writing all my penpals at my desk in the back bedroom, and being yelled at for sleeping with the blind open so I could stare at the full moon, practicing dancing for the middle school dance in my floor length mirror (yes, I was a dork!) and pulling the rotary phone cord from my parents room and stretching it all the way to just inside my bedroom door so I could pretend that I had a phone in my room and a little bit of privacy. I'd "see" the super ugly mauve curtains in the first bedroom I had that my mother thought were so beautiful and sophisticated, and the blue hues in the second bedroom I moved into after my older sister moved out. I'd remember the day I was looking forward to Easter brunch because the restaurant we were going to had two tables of dessert and then my younger sister puked. I'd remember playing basketball and chasing the basketball down the hill and returning out of breath; and climbing the big oak tree in the back and stealing fruit in the morning off the pear trees. I'd remember building "forts" in the tree line and turning over moss covered rocks to find millions of bugs crawling underneath; and rescuing a baby bird and trying to keep it alive in the turtle sandbox.

I'd love to see the inside of the house, but I'd be scared too. Just seeing the outside of the house now and how much it has changed is weird. The people don't take care of the yard like dad used to. It's overgrown and the some of the shutters are missing. What kind of kids is that house growing now???

I wonder if the kid will feel the same way one day and what she'll take with her from our house here? Will she want to stay here or will she go and then feel a hollowness to come back?

ADD

I saw a movie yesterday that I wanted to blog about.  But it's too nice outside today, I have ADD.  Later.
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Today I am grateful that I ended up not having to mow my lawn and a friend did it this morning for me, that it's beautiful out and that I have a new recipe to try tonight.  Yay!

The World Just Keeps Getting Weirder and...

Weirder.

I went to get Chinese take-out last night.  CHINESE...and as I was walking out the door I saw an entry box for a chance to win a JAPANESE massage.  Hmmmm.....

This morning on my way to the doctor I REALLY wished I had my camera.  There was this guy on a motorcycle in front of me.  He had his whole head shaved with just a mohawk on the top front part.  The back of his head had this ginormously ugly tattoo.  Wonder how it felt to have your skull tattooed?  Ouch.  And just how is that sexy????
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Today I am grateful that my foot is still broken for two more weeks (sick, yes, I know...but I REALLY don't want to back in the office to work, I LOVE working at home!!!), that I got a great deal on a TV/DVD flat screen for my bedroom (now to go buy that elliptical machine), and that I didn't get any bills in the mail today - woo hoo!!!!

Confession

Okay, so I'm 32 years old and I confess, I've just discovered I am capable of getting a second wind past 9 o'clock.  I've just discovered that I can BLAST MY music as loud as I want to at 9:45 pm (I know, quite the rebel, right?) and not have to worry about neighbors upstairs, downstairs or connected to me and I definitely don't have to worry about my parents yelling, "Turn that crap down!!!"  Ha!  I could even dance naked if I wanted to, which GAWD, I'm not suicidal...after all there are mirrors in my house!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace out people, I'm going to dance...with clothes on.  (You can wipe your brow now and breathe, after all I don't know CPR.)

Cool Chinese Stamps

TV Shows Intended for Mature Audiences

I watched Grey's Anatomy last night.  I used to watch the show, but then lost interest, but then the season finale looked so good.  Seriously, when they warn "For Mature Audience," it clearly does not mean me.  I could not sleep last night after the show and was jumping at every noise and watching my bedroom door.  I am the biggest chicken shit that exists.  Period.
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Today I am grateful that it's Friday, that the weather is warming up and for the kid.

Dreams. Nothing More.

I'm in lust with my doctor.  I had a dream last night that My McDreamy hot urgent care doctor called me to ask me out.  I woke up with my heart racing, but unfortunately alone in my bed.  I guess that's why they call them dreams.  ***Sigh***
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Today I am grateful that the guy at my blood draw figured out what he was supposed to draw and I didn't have to go back a second time, that the neighbor in back finally stopped buzzing his saw after 2 1/2 days and a terrible headache later, and that the weekend is almost here and it's supposed to be fabulous weather!!!!

Grateful

Today I'm grateful that it's Wednesday and I got to watch Modern family because it makes me crack up, that sometimes I find just what I'm looking for at the Dollar Tree, and that it was warm outside today and I could open my windows.

I figure...

I figure if I blog about it maybe I'll feel a little bit better.  Who knows?  Guess we'll see.  So I joined this church.  I felt comfortable at this church.  I attempted to coach basketball this past season.  I attempted to actually attend church.  I totally admit my attendance hasn't been stellar, considering surgery, cancer, pneumonia and now a broken foot....but I've gone and have made an attempt to go when I was feeling ok.  I've even gone somedays when I felt like total crap but thought that going would make me feel better.  I even attended sans kid when she was at her dad's.  Whatever, turns out I'm just another recluse sitting in the last pew of a church, right?

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I signed my attendance card saying that I would like to serve the church.  Well, to date I haven't heard anything.  I mean, it could have been as simple as, can you open the door on one Sunday, right?  Nothing.  Not a phone call, not an email, nothing.  Needless to say I feel like I'm not exactly wanted.

Second thing, the youth group will be going on a mission trip this summer and was volunteering for jobs around your house for $10/hour.  I broke my foot, so I emailed the youth group director asking if someone could mow my lawn.  Do you think I heard back?  No.   A simple, "you know I couldn't find someone who was willing to do it." would have been fine.  Fine, I can accept a "no," but to be outright ignored I think was rude.  It's not like I was asking for a FREE service.  Come on.  (Just watch me mow my lawn this weekend with the cast on - should be interesting...or quite painful to say the least.)

So do I feel rejected by "my" church?  Yes, I do.  I feel like it's highschool all over again.  You either "fit in" or you just exist.  Well, I don't want to just "exist."  That's what I've done in this freaking state for the past 10 years.  I actually want to be a part of something finally...but I obviously haven't found it at the church I thought I could attend and be a part of.

I don't know what to do.  To be honest, it's taken quite a few churches and quite some time to find some place I felt comfortable going to, and I'm not sure I'm up to go on another search.  It's ridiculous if you ask me.  But quite frankly, nobody has asked.  Whatever.
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Today I am grateful that I was still able to work from home, that my daughter, seeing Miley Cyrus's attitude on DWTS has decided to "get over her", and for our awesome waitress at Chili's....making not feeling so hot that much easier to deal with for dinner.  : )

Quitting

I'm thinking of quitting my blog, and my 101 in 1001, and my church.  I'm bored with blogging and my list.  Really, what's the point?  And I'm still terribly disappointed in my church.
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Today I am grateful that I'm working from home, the kid's fever went away and that I have this house.

Grateful

Finished a book in one day.  Got it this afternoon, it's before 7 and I couldn't put it down until I finished it.  Read it.  "I am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced," by Nujood Ali with Delphine Minoui.
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Yesterday I was grateful that no bills came in the mail, I got to see a movie in the theater, and the lawn was mowed (not by me).
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Today I am grateful that it was nice out, I got to lay in the hammock and read a good book, and that dinner was leftovers and required no cooking.

Oh, Happy, Happy Friday!!!

I got rid of the temp.  How's that you ask?  I busted his ass before our auditors did.  My boss finally saw the light!!!!!!!!  I'm sooooooooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finished a book I was reading last night called "The Sari Shop Widow" by Shobhan Bantwal.  Read it!  It's a sweet story.
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Today I am grateful that I am gifted in the area of documentation ; ), that it finally stopped raining, and that the weekend is here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't You Just Love It???

Don't you just love it when someone you despise shoots himself in the foot?  I don't even need to pack.  Ha!  I had the conference call with my boss and the idiot this morning so he could learn everything I didn't, apparently, tell him.  The first example he brought up was all in the documentation and training manuals I had created and provided him...not just once, but three times!  And my boss called him on it.  Ahhhhh, that felt good!

I know I do a good job, I know I document appropriately and I take pride in my work.  I don't do well when my intelligence and integrity are challenged. 

So we got a buttload of rain last night with supposedly more on the way.  Yikes!  The rain gauge in our yard says we got 5 inches...but it came down fast!  We're expecting more rain.  I got a little in the basement...of course the puddle HAD to occur right under the furnace (so the heat had to be turned off) and right where I keep the laundry bag of dirty laundry.  Nice.  So I had sopping wet dirty clothes this morning.  Oh well, at least I have a washer and dryer.  The whole floor was generally wet, but nothing to complain about.  No puddles or depth, just wet with the exception of those two spots.  I had a nice wood desk down there that I decided to bring upstairs because I didn't want it to get ruined.  Now imagine it being 7am and me with a broken foot and a 7 year old kid trying to get this desk upstairs.  Not a pretty picture, right?  But then imagine the kid throwing a fit at 7:15am because she wanted the damn desk in her room.  Definitely NOT a pretty picture, and definitely NOT a happy broken-footed sweating, hot-flash burdened momma.  Need I say more?

Anyway, with all that being said, I think I'm buying a boat, or possibly having duck for dinner.
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Today I am grateful that I wasn't the one made to look like a fool, that I kept my cool and that I didn't get so much water like so many of my neighbors did - I consider myself very lucky!

Blog n' Bitch...No Time For Games

Blog n' Bitch...I don't hate my job (at least I think I don't), I just hate the asshole I have to work with.  I mean, really, really dislike.  My boss hired a couple of  temps about 2 months ago because we're swamped with work.  Unfortunately she stuck me with managing two of them.  One is okay, fine, no problem.  The other is a complete back-stabbing, lying, piece of worthless crap.  I cannot stand him.  I swear, he makes me want to drink, eat a gallon of ice cream, or just bury my head under the covers and cry.

It's been a personality clash since day one.  First of all, he's straight away out of college and pining for a job.  Fine, isn't everyone?  Second he has told me it's not my place to tell him how to do things as I'm not his "manager."  Excuse me?  My manager told me I had to manage him and train him.  She also had that discussion with him.  See how this is going?  And yes, I've had this discussion with my manager on several occassions, in which she said she'd handle it.  Not so.  (I think she just thinks I'm there to bitch and blow off steam?)  Of course this guy kisses her ass like there is no tomorrow so it's, "yes ma'am, oh for sure."  And then complete opposite when she walks away.  Am I just imagining this?  NO!  The rest of our team sees the same.  Clearly we don't all have bad prescriptions in our contacts???

I've trained him until I'm blue in the face, made training materials so he has step by step visuals with step by step instructions.  Every email I explain to him (I'm beginning to think he fell off the short bus)...and today during our team meeting he attacks me again.  He insists he doesn't understand anything I send him and it's just not fair that he have to do this work when he doesn't know anything.  Now, if he didn't understand anything I sent him, why did he not send it back to me with his questions?  Asking for clarification?  Come sit with me so I could walk him through it?  What language do I need to speak?  I'm not fluent in stupid.  INSTEAD he waits a week until we are all together and attacks me in a meeting infront of my peers and tries to make me look stupid.

I've had it.  I have little patience in relationships of any kind.  You either are or you aren't.  You're kind and play nice or I don't play.  He's an asshole, I know that...but I don't do those corporate step on people to get somewhere kind of games.  I have no time nor patience to invest in them.  I have work to do.

Sucks!

Three words:  This weather sucks!!!!!
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Today I am grateful for my easy-going kid, that I get to work from home this week again (God bless a broken foot!), and for some self-confidence gain in my job.

Recent Postcards

Some recent postcards and stamps received from the kid's new Israeli friends.  Pretty cool.

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Today I am grateful that the people really sent the kid postcards.  She was so happy to receive them.  I'm also grateful that I got to work from home today because I'm beat.  The rain kept me up last night.  : (  Finally, I'm grateful for my daughter.

Self Explanatory

Church Left a Bitter Taste

I didn't go to church yesterday because I didn't get over my disappointment yet.  If you can't depend on your church for a sense of community, what's left?

Especially after you try so hard to find a place your comfortable in and enjoy.

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Today I am grateful that I was "told" that I am working from home for a second week in a row (woo hoo!!!), that I got my bone density scan set up for Saturday already (that was speedy fast!), and for how cool and homey a tire swing hanging from our big tree looks!

Grateful

Today I am grateful that the lawn was mowed, that the tire swing was hung and that the kid made me laugh like usual.

Trying - Really Hard

I'm trying really hard right now not to be pissed off and incredibly disappointed at my church right now.  I thought I found a good thing but am currently second guessing it.
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Today I am grateful that I got out of the house, even if it did mean only to try on bathing suits (yikes!), that SNL appears to maybe be good tonight (haven't watched it in years), and that the kid got the postcards she's been pining for from Israel, both in the same day!

Party Pooper

I picked a date for my party.  Seems like a bad date, but too late to change it.  I always say I want to have a party but then I freak out to have to be THAT social.  I guess we'll see how it goes...probably be a bust anyway.
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Today I grateful that 4 ducks in my yard is enough to amuse me (I really need to get out of the house!), that I caught up on all my bills this week - organized and paid!, and for a lazy day.

FWB and Whales...Um, er, I mean....

Last night the kid caught wind of Cougar Town.  They were talking about FWB's.  Our conversation went like this:

The kid:  "Mom, what does FWB mean?"
Me:  "Uh, Friends Who Play Basketball."
The kid:  "Oooo!  I have lots of those."
Me:  "Well, um, ok, just don't go repeating that at school."
The kid:  "Oooohh, right!  Those friends are at church."

Crap. Crap. Crap.  I'm praying she DOES NOT repeat this at Sunday School this weekend!
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In other news last night was the kid's open house at school.  So far this year I have not been impressed with her teacher.  Okay, well let's just be honest here...I CANNOT STAND HER TEACHER!!!!  I don't have one nice thing to say about this bimbo who apparently still lives in a Sorority.  Anyway, the kids were sent home with this traveling teddy bear earlier in the year and they all had to write a postcard about some country they decided to visit.  One child visited the country of WALES.  The teacher typed up the kids names followed by the country each child visited and pasted it up on the board so that everyone could see it at open house.  She spelled WALES - WHALES!!!!  This is the caliber teacher I have teaching my child in first grade - God, I CANNOT wait until she switches schools in the fall!

On a brighter note, the kids did this kite and on the back of the kite they wrote adjectives to describe themselves.  Mine wrote, "silly, talkative, friendly, Lover of my Mom..."  Ha!  Bonus right there.  Could I have had a bigger grin on my face??????  How many more years will this last????
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Today I am grateful that I'm working from home again :p, that the day is beautiful and quiet, and for my silly daughter that thinks I'm her world.

Grateful

Today I am grateful that I got to work from home again (I got a lot of phone calls made that I've been putting off), that this morning was a lazy one, and for the Open House tonight where I get to see the kid's artwork.

Work From Home

I went into work this morning because I didn't want to push my luck and just assume I could work from home.  Nor did I want to ask for that.  My boss emailed me because she was working from home and assumed my foot wasn't broken since I came in.  I explained to her that it was and she sent me home to work and told me to work from home all week!!!  Wooo hooo!!!! 
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Today I am grateful that I get to work from home the rest of the week, that it is a beautiful day out, and for my silly daughter.

Sexy As Cold Oatmeal

Broke my foot in several places.  Am now the not-so-proud owner of an unbelieveably hot boot for the next 4-6 weeks...watch me turn into Super Bitch - don't say you haven't been warned!!!


Got a postcard from Finland today.  The coolest part was the stamp.
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Today I am grateful that I at least got to see Dr. Hottie (my McDreamy!) and the kid wasn't with me to tell him I think he's cute, that we got to stop at the yummy Mexican hole in the wall place for dinner, and that the kid found my good pair of glasses I lost soon after we moved.

Ouch!

I just spent $75 at the grocery store.  Ouch!  Here's my rationalization...I haven't been shopping for two and a half weeks.  I bought a steak (not for me!), 6 huge fillets of Snapper, two flounders stuffed with crab meat a pound of shrimp, and then a ton of other groceries.  Not bad, really...at least that's what I'm telling myself and it works for me.  :p
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Today I am grateful for the excellent storm we had last night followed by a pretty sunny day, that the grocery store wasn't a zoo at the hour I went, and for the possible opportunity to do the mission trip to Hondorus next year since the church is going back...now I have a year to work out arrangements for the kid because I NEED TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Dear Lord

I went to Catholic Mass for the first time in probably more than 10 years. (I didn't go by choice but to attend the first communion of one of the kids the kid hangs out with)  Yikes!  The minute I walked into the church I felt like I was suffocating.  I saw the same thing I grew up with, everyone there dressed to the hilt for show.  Keeping up with the Jones' and all this phoniness.  Whatever. I realized too that I detest the tradition of the Catholic church.  I feel like people there just are there to repeat what they have been told to memorize every week.  The same prayers, the same responses.  It's like being conditioned.  And you go to say that you go and feel important.  I like my church so much more.  It challenges you to think every week.  The sermons relate to your life.  It's not just reading the gospel, etc.  I go because I want to go.  Today made me appreciate my church so, so, so much more!!!!  Who knew even this slight transformation could happen to me???

Anyway here's a picture of one of my two herb gardens.  It's growing!!!  It's been a month and it's still alive.  Two weeks ago (I think?) we planted an herb garden outside.  I just saw this morning little bits popping through the ground.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  Just a little excitement, I'm easily amused.
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Today I am grateful that I have the strength to walk away from something I know is not right for me, that my new checks arrived with my new address, and for the nice party we attended and the good company and laughs we shared today.