The Long Way Traveled.

Yesterday I took a detour (thanks to construction season) home and passed by a park I used to take the kid to when she was between 15 months-two years old.  It struck me as kind of sad, maybe because she's grown so much and so quickly, but kind of a strange feeling too.  I've come a long way in 7 years.

We started in a one bedroom ghetto (cough, cough) apartment when I left.  I escaped an abusive relationship, got her out of it, moved into a nasty little one bedroom place because that's all I could afford and struggled from there...but that playground is where we spent so much of our time.

Thinking back, I've done a lot in seven years:

1. Escaped an abusive relationship...taken ownership for our survival and well-being.
2. Moved out of the ghetto 1 bedroom apt., to a decent apt. and finally into a communtiy, with a house, a neighborhood and kids.
3. Found a church I enjoy and will hopefully become an active member of.
4. Provided a stable, healthy home and every opportunity I could afford through park district and spending time together with/for my daughter.
5. Been diagnosed with lupus and then cancer.  Been pissed off but survived. 
6. Been promoted at work 6 times.  Went from struggling to pay the bills to being able to take a nice vacation every other year and building my savings!!!
7. Renewed my relationship with my father and learned (somewhat) how to let my mother's criticism go in one ear and out the other - well, on most days...okay 50% of the time if we're being honest.  At least I've accepted that I will never be good enough for her and I can live with that.

Seven challenges in seven years.  I'm ready for year 8 to start and hopefully it will begin 7 years of relative calm.  I can dream, right?  At least I'm starting to feel somewhat organized in my being, or maybe it's just that I'm maturing? 

Seven things I"ve learned:

1. I am not the fault of my mother's unhappiness.  I'm a grown adult on my own, she has her own issues and takes them out on me because I let her.  She's not going to treat me well until she is happy with herself.
2. I can be and am a loving single parent.  A single parent can raise a well-adjusted happy child.  I don't believe that children necessarily need a two parent home.  Two parent homes can be less secure, loving and established than one good single parent home.
3. I'm willing to be more open about church.
4. I'm incredibly stubborn and hell-bent to do 99% of things on my own and without support.  And people get pissed off at me when I do.  I need to learn to let people in to help me when they are offering.
5. Even though I feel like I've "dumbed down" since coming to the corporate world, I have to look back at my career and realize that I'm still "smart" and I do a good job - why else would I have received promotions?
6. Even though I'm not where I "thought" I would be or where I wanted to be, I have to look back and realized I've come a long way, did it on my own and be proud of that.
7. I have the ability and strength to look years of anger, disappointment and misunderstanding in the eye, be the courageous one and ring somebody's doorbell and ask for forgiveness.

Well, enough of that...I must be feeling a little nutty today to write all that?  I'm going to blame all the bleach I've been enhaling this morning from disinfecting the bathroom after the plumber was here (long story!!!)Whatever.
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Today I am grateful that I got to work from home an extra day this week, that I have a few hours to myself tonight to get some errands done, and for my daughter.