You Can Have Your Cake...

Another crazy wierd dream that woke me up with a start this morning.  I dreamed that the brakes went out on my car and the entire road was covered with ice, so even though the car was in "park" it was still sliding around with a mind of it's own and I was terrified that I was going to run into someone.  Lucky for me, I was able to get it back in the garage and put bricks behind all of the tires.  Then I called Car-X to have them come tow it and fix...but they gave me this outrageous price so I went to eat a huge slice of cake that cost $11.

REALITY:
Leave it to me to be fasting for 12+ hours and dream about eating a 7 layered cake with 3 inches of frosting.  Only MY mind would go and pull something like that!!!  The funny thing is, I don't even LIKE cake.

Less than 24 Hours

So it's less than 24 hours.  As of this morning, I have lost 8 pounds this past week.  That's good news to me, but this is not the way I should be losing it.  I was up all night last night and didn't fall asleep until 7:30 this morning and woke up at 9.  Needless to say, I'm not feeling so hot.  Went to TGIF's to eat a turkey burger hoping that that will keep me full until tomorrow at 1pm (yes, the nuts gave me an OR time of 1!), and I also ordered a salad to go to eat at 11:30 tonight since there is no eating after midnight.  I ate the whole burger, which is probably more than I've eaten all week in one sitting and I feel like I'm going to puke.  I am regretting my decision to have eaten...or at least having eaten the entire burger.  Yuck!  Oh well, this post is stupid but I'm losing it...but hey, look at it this way.  If I were a guy you all would be thinking, "Well, at least he's getting in touch with his feelings."  LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eyes Wide Shut

BLOG N' BITCH...So I'm lying here wide awake and can see I'm going to face yet another sleepless night.  Okay, so maybe right now I'm pissed off and feeling sorry for myself and whatever other emotions are going on in my crazy brain right now. 

I just got frustrated.  I want to know why me?  I'm sure everyone has that question when faced with a challenge, but seriously why me?  My life wasn't supposed to turn out this way with what seems like surgery after surgery.  I don't smoke at all or drink heavily like both of my sisters, I'm not an alcoholic like my mother, I don't weigh 300 lbs. like my sister and lay around on the couch all day, but WHY am I the one facing all of the health issues?  (And by bringing them up, I am by NO means wishing any of this upon them...I'm just saying, out of all of us, I seem to live the "healthiest" lifestyle.)

How did I go from playing sports year round K-College to being who I am today?  Lupus, hypothyroid, Sjogrens, cancer, COME ON!  I'm pissed.  What the hell is next?

I know I should be grateful that I have it together for the most part, unlike my sisters and my mother.  I have a steady job, a wonderful daughter, a house, etc...but I want to be able to live a healthy life too.  I'm sick of being chopped up and needled and x-rayed, etc. 

Where the hell did I mess up?  Forgive me for sounding like a self-centered bitch, but I am pissed.

Dreams?

I have been having REALLY strange dreams lately - that is, when I acutally sleep.  The two that I remember and have stuck with me over the past two days are below.  Wonder what in the world they mean?

The first one happened two days ago:

I left a Wolves game on Roller Blades in the winter and was climbing up and down rocks on my rollerblades to avoid the highway.  The next thing I knew I was on the campus of Notre Dame roller blading on this beautiful courtyard with built with polished bricks.  I was skating in circles like the figure skaters and then would do those great turns and spins like they do.  There was a water fountain in the middle of the square and tons of people.  The sky was crystal clear blue and it was springish/summer (as opposed to winter when I left the hockey game).  The last scene in the dream was that I was spinning with my back bent backwards and arms out and felt wonderful and a lady was holding a chuncky little baby out who was staring me right in the face.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

The second dream I had this morning and woke me with a start.

I had gotten re-married and instead of a huge reception, I invited 10 couples to celebrate in a flower field with an evening picnic and a strolling violinist.  So we had provided the ten couples with picnic blankets and baskets filled with cheese and wine, etc.  It was really romantic...if only I could see my "future hubbies" face.  LOL.

I don't know, I'm wierd, but I had to write them down because they are so strange.  Babies and husbands???  Foretelling?  Just lost hopes?  Simply my nerves going haywire?  What is it???

I'm Bringing Sexy Back!

As promised, here is the gear I get to deal with over the next several weeks.

The first picture on the left are the boots I get to put on and strap to the middle thing while I'm sleeping.  It's supposed to prevent me from moving and rolling my hip.

The first picture on the right is the hip brace I get to wear everytime I'm not in bed lying down.

The second picture on the left is the CPM machine that I have to user 4-6 hours a day.  It's supposed to move my leg up and down and bend the knee so that the hip joint doesn't get stiff.

The second picture on the right is the leg pump that I have to wear on my calves to prevent blood clots.

The last picture on the left is the ice brace and ice container.  You fill the container with ice and it pumps cold water up through your hip with two tubes.  30 minutes off, 30 minutes on constantly. 

Who said this isn't going to be fun???

Now What???

Well, it's been a long time, but Mexico called and I had to listen.  Now I'm back and it's been back to reality this week - well, sorta.  I just "sat" at my desk all week because my boss thought it would be silly for me to dig back into my desk with me being out again next week.  Woo hoo!!!  Easy, but boring week!

Anyway, before leaving for Mexico I had to have a physical to clear me for surgery.  I had to get an EKG (which I did not know I had to) and the EKG reading came out funny.  So the doctor says, "I think the lead probably wasn't on right or something and I'm pretty sure it's ok."  Well, I was nervous, so of course I looked everything up that I could on the internet like some kind of junkie needing a fix.  I read that an EKG can give a bad reading if the lead isn't on right, if there is noise in the room, if you get nervous, etc.  Okay, I was rationalizing with myself that them telling me I had to have an EKG freaked me out and the kid was with me in the room acting up, but of course I immediately scheduled a follow up EKG for after I returned from Mexico.  I couldn't let it go. (I know, I hold on to things too much and let them really drive me nuts).

Anyway...the day after the first EKG the doc calls and says she wants to send me for a heart ultrasound.  WTF?  I thought I wasn't supposed to worry?  Well, needless to say, when she called I was on the way out of town and had to wait until yesterday to get the ultrasound done.  Naturally, it ate away at me for a week and a half.

I went yesterday and the guy couldn't tell me yes or no, but in the end he winked at me (and I'm sure it wasn't for a date) and told me, "Good luck with your surgery on Monday."  I'm assuming then, that the ultrasound was fine?  I think I'll hear from the doctor tomorrow but I'm guessing I really should settle down (which probably will not happen until after surgery on Monday).

The MedSource guy came and delivered the "equipment" that I will need post-op.  Pictures will be posted tomorrow.  I'm too lazy to dig out my camera, take and upload pics tonight.  But let me just say, this is getting less and less funny (not like it EVER was funny, but still.).

Sold!

We went to the new church last night.  The kid was sold 30 seconds after arriving.  She got to pick a piece of candy in the kids program for being "on time."  And then after church they had cups of free popcorn.  Obviously, she's taken cue from me, nothing comes between her and food! 

The church was okay.  The head pastor came and talked to me and two other women (mostly because of the kids program), but hey?  Can't complain, that makes 3 more people than who spoke to me after a year of attending the other church.  Plus there were some people that live in my community, so it pulls attendance not just within it's own community (which was how the other church was).  I like that.

I think the church will be okay, it was a little different.  I think I need to give it a chance.  The kid loved it and has made it clear that that is where she wants to go.  The only thing that I didn't like was that they seemed to clap a little bit more than what I'm used to.  I'm not a church clapper...blame it on my strict Catholic upbringing.

So for now we are going to continue trying this church....and maybe I will get the guts to get "involved"???